Now that I am back in the city again, I have much more time to catch up with old friends, go out for drinks, grab dinner, etc. And while those situations are welcomed, they come with two topics that I just cannot stand to go through, but do so all the time. The most annoying of the two is marriage. Please excuse me while I roll my eyes until they snap permanently behind my head.
Ok, so T. and I have been together for a long time now and I get that people are naturally expecting either some matrimonial bliss or discord out of it. I think we know each other going on 8 years now, which means that a lot of my elementary, high school, and undergrad friends were there when our relationship ~blossomed~ into what it is now. But that does not give anyone the right to keep asking about when we are getting married, why we are not getting married yet, and then make assumptions on their own about why we are not tying the knot (this usually takes the discussion down the road of does his mother hate or not hate my ass).
If you are my friend, which I would consider you to be if I’m hanging out with you, then you will obviously know when we are engaged. This isn’t some weird game of hide the ball where I secretly plot to leave you out of my entire wedding. Honestly, maybe the question you should be asking is what you are to me for you to be so worried that I might be withholding marriage information from you. It’s just as ridiculous of a question, so why not?
And I do love my friends, but some of them just get so outrageously angry and impatient on my behalf for not getting married yet. Is that really necessary? Then there are also those friends who lecture me about marriage as if I or T. have a bad case of commitment phobia (stuff along the lines of “nothing will change with marriage, it’s just another day!”). And again, I ask, is that really necessary? Sometimes I wake up and find that all my friends are psychologists, analyzing my life and giving me different approaches on how I should finally, finally, become a Mrs.
Today I chatted with an elementary school friend of mine that I hang out with once or twice a year. We ain’t super close, but we have a long, long history of friendship between us. First thing that she sends me is, “Hey! How are you? Are you still with T.?” It is disheartening to know that my well-being is now merged in with a question regarding my boyfriend; I am no longer my own person, apparently. So knowing that the “when are you getting married” question will come up, I quickly said that we are, indeed, still together and doing well. I also said in the same message that we are not engaged yet, and are still trying to figure out the best time to get married. Her answer: “Oh nice, so when are you guys getting married?”
Oh, Lord. Next time they ask, I should just tell them that we’ve broken up.